


on behalf of yellow carnations & pink lemonade

by kalli (sunaluna)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Cheating, Drunken Confessions, Hanahaki Disease, Inspired by Hamlet, M/M, Mentioned Bokuto Koutarou, Not Beta Read, Sad Ending, Suicide, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:55:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24292444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunaluna/pseuds/kalli
Summary: a hanahaki diease au loosely inspired by the play, "Hamlet", by Shakespeare"every time he coughed, it hurt a little more. with each breath, he could feel as the vines constricted his lungs and the thorns punctured the sensitive tissue. he was tired of the pain. he was tired of being weak. he, for once, wanted to do something of his own accord."
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 10
Kudos: 59





	on behalf of yellow carnations & pink lemonade

**Author's Note:**

> hi! sorry i know this is really sad and angsty. i just finished writing a really important paper for school about ophelia's death and i felt inspired

tooru had always loved spring- the season sounded like laughter and looked like colorful flower gardens. sakura petals fluttered down and twirled in the wind. violets and camellias speckled the natural green backdrop with explosions of deep purple and soft pinks. the occasional spring showers left puddles in its wake that children would happily splash around in. the streets smelled of baked sweets and golden honey.

and for all of these reasons, tooru had always loved spring.

emphasis on “had”.

he didn’t notice at first, when tetsurou decide he wasn’t enough. the change happened slowly, similar to the way snow begins to melt before spring actually arrives. 

their relationship had been a spur of the moment type thing. it was a surprise when tooru had walked into his freshman dorm room only to see a tall man sporting familiar bedhead. prior to that day, he had never seen this man in person but he knew because he had watched him play in the national high school volleyball tournament months ago. it was embarrassing, he watched one game but could recognize the man by the back of his head. with a blush high on his cheekbones, tooru introduced himself. _why was he blushing?_

tetsurou turned around and held eye contact with him for an unnecessarily long moment before scanning him from head to toe. tooru would be lying if he said he wasn’t intimidated. “you’re oikawa tooru,” the dark-haired man huffed, “I’ve seen you in _Volleyball Monthly_.” before tooru could even formulate a response, his roommate had gotten up and left, winking over his shoulder.

it was strange to say the least. the first few months continued in a similar fashion. tooru was uncharacteristically shy and cautious around the taller man who, in turn, acted like he didn’t care. they carefully worked around each other and it was successful. tooru never fully allowed himself to appreciate the man’s natural beauty until it was late at night. his dark lashes fluttered in his sleep and the gentle snores were endearing. tooru was always looking from afar. it wasn’t until the week after their midterms that things changed.

tooru was watching an over produced reality show when tetsurou had stumbled into their dorm equipped with alcohol. he claimed that the two of them should celebrate the closing of their first semester at university. initially, tooru was hesitant, but who was he to turn down free alcohol. maybe he should have. it was all fun and games until both of them were a little too drunk and tetsurou, in particular, was feeling the effects of the liquid courage. “oika’a- kun, I really, really like you.”

at first, tooru laughed. after all, they were both incredibly intoxicated. when tetsurou didn’t laugh along with him, he stopped and looked at the man incredulously. much like the first time they met, they stared at each other for a ridiculous amount of time. tooru was thinking-or trying to. his roommate had never once tried to befriend him since they met. they never spoke more than necessary – hell, they weren’t even the same major and none of their classes overlapped. sometimes they went days without seeing each other. so tooru, like any responsible person would do, decided that they were done drinking. despite tetsurou’s whines, he closed the bottles and went to the bathroom to take a cold shower. when he came out, tetsurou was already asleep on the floor. he left him there. and well, the rest is history.

the first time it happened was on their three-year anniversary. year after year, tetsurou had done everything he could to make the night special. he was never one for “boring dinner dates”, until he was. tooru had thought it was abnormal when in lieu of an elaborate date at the planetarium and romantic picnic, or a night of stargazing and sleeping under the stars, tetsurou had simply told him that they would be going to the restaurant down the street. once they got there, tooru chose to ignore the constant buzzing of tetsurou’s phone. however, he couldn’t ignore the way his throat itched.

he knew, at least, that tetsurou didn’t completely fall out of love with him, yet.

two months after their forgettable anniversary dinner, tetsurou stopped coming home on time. at first, he said he had to work late at the pharmaceutical company- he was leading a project and things weren’t going as smoothly as planned. after his work excuse became overused, tetsurou blamed it on mundane things like traffic or stopping by bokuto’s to drop off something. one friday night, tetsurou didn’t come home until early the next morning.

it was that morning, when tetsurou waltzed into their apartment at 7:43 am, hoodie tied close to his neck and hair messier than usual, that tooru felt another itch.

four months after that, tooru could still count the number of dates they had gone on with one hand. in the six months since their three-year anniversary, tetsurou had only taken him on three dates. tetsurou was always busy, or tired, or absent. on the nights that tetsurou didn’t come home, tooru would lay in bed and cry as the itch in his throat became unbearable. his chest ached and he couldn’t tell if it was his heart or his lungs. but much like tetsurou, the petals never appeared. so tetsurou must still love him… right?

wrong.

tetsurou had been gone for two days. his excuse came in the form of a measly text message. “sorry, emergency, see you on saturday”. tooru had woken up to an empty bed and the vague message. it was not followed by an, “I love you” or an, “I miss you.” however, the cold pillow next to him wasn’t the surprise- that had been happening more and more often as of late. when tetsurou had started coming home later and later, tooru would sleep without him. by the time he would wake up, tetsurou would already be at work. the thing that surprised tooru were the six, soft yellow petals that delicately rested near his head.

an overwhelming sense of dread and melancholy drowned him. he knew what the yellow petals meant, part of him expected them. yellow carnations: rejection. an itch in his throat. this time, he coughed, and more yellow petals fell gently to the ground.

tooru had never like change. he didn’t like confrontation. tetsurou was all he had known since he and iwaizumi had gone their separate ways. so, like a fool, tooru didn’t mention it when tetsurou returned. tooru didn’t immediately leave even though he knew tetsurou had finally given up on him. each morning, he woke up to a cold bed and petals on his pillow. if tetsurou knew, he didn’t say anything either.

everything changed that one dreadful night. the night that was like a tsunami crashing down on tooru’s world, destroying everything he had built and cultivated the past three years. tetsurou had come home drunk and angry, his eyes, dark, like a treacherous thunderstorm. from the moment the door swung open, tetsurou was unrecognizable. tooru didn’t know how to help. everything was happening too fast. he tried to coax tetsurou to sit down and breathe. he tried to tell the drunken man to take a cold shower to sober up. he filled the first cup his found with cold water and offered it to his boyfriend- it was the mug tetsurou had given him for their one-month anniversary. when tetsurou saw the mug, an unreadable expression flashed across his face. that seemed to be the final straw.

it was a simple question at first, “where did you get that mug?”

it garnered a simple response, “tetsu, you gave it to me years ago. “

it seemed to be symbolic of their relationship.

“why would I give you a mug?”

“tetsurou it was a gift”

“you’re lying, I wouldn’t give you a gift. I don’t love you.”

tooru stopped breathing, or maybe he forgot how. _he finally said he. he doesn’t love me._

tetsurou knocked the mug out of his hand. tooru didn’t know if it was his heart or the mug that he heard shatter against their hardwood floor.

a cough- and then the shattered pieces of the mug were decorated with the petals of yellow carnations. 

that very night, tooru left. he couldn’t stay. the longer he had stared at the broken pieces of the mug, the more petals he coughed up. it was 2am when he noticed the red speckles on the yellow flowers. he left the mess of ceramic and petals on the floor. he didn’t know why- maybe he hoped tetsurou would see it in the morning and remember what happened. maybe tetsurou would realize what he did and follow him. maybe tetsurou would love him again.

tooru wandered the streets, tears falling ceaselessly and a tell-tale trail of yellow petals falling behind him. no one was there to witness him slowly fall apart. 

with no recollection of how he got there, tooru sat and stared at the open water of this secret lake. tetsurou had brought him here during their second year of university. the water and trees held secrets that no one else knew, of late night escapades and early morning picnics. tooru was here to give them another secret.

he watched the water for what felt like hours. he threw in a pebble and watched as the ripples grew and expanded until they couldn’t anymore. he observed as sakura petals fell from the sky like a springtime snowfall and gently caressed his cheek. the petals that fell on the water stilled on the surface. when he coughed, yellow swirled next to the pink. pink lemonade. it was beautiful, he decided.

every time he coughed, it hurt a little more. with each breath, he could feel as the vines constricted his lungs and the thorns punctured the sensitive tissue. he was tired of the pain. he was tired of being weak. he, for once, wanted to do something of his own accord.

he walked around the lake. once. twice. he thought about how spring brought the prettiest flowers, how spring represented life. but it was spring when he broke beyond repair. he memorized every leaf he encountered and the sounds of the birds who began to sing their morning songs. he plucked the little wildflowers and held them between his fingers. he picked up rocks and didn’t put them down. big ones, little ones. it didn’t matter.

as the sun rose, just peeking above the horizon, tooru smiled. underwater, everything was blurry. under the pink and yellow petals, he finally felt content. he coughed, one last time, and closed his eyes. his lungs were screaming although the feeling was now familiar. as darkness consumed him, tooru thought about pink lemonade.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this! i would love to know your opinions and/or feedback!  
> i really love oikuro and i just had to write something for them!
> 
> stay safe <3
> 
> follow me on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/sunaIuna) for more rarepairs and fics


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